Issue #155

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April 25, 2024

IN TODAY’S ISSUE:

• Holding boundaries with freelance clients
• What getting in your own way looks like
• Last chance to get into Wordling Plus before doors close!

FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK

Happy Thursday, writer friends,

 

This week, I turned down an assignment from an editor I adore working with, and the whole experience left me a bit deflated. There are some lessons that, after two decades of writing, I still need to relearn.

My agreement for this client is for a set number of articles a month. She sends me the briefs at the beginning of the month and I submit all the stories through the 30-day period. Sometimes when she’s busy or has a lot going on, she’ll send some additional assignments, often on tight deadlines. I’ve often accepted these assignments without a rush fee because I really enjoy working on these projects.

 

And this is always where I go wrong in my business: I enjoy working with someone and so I do them a favor without mentioning that this is, in fact, a favor. It then sets a precedent. They come to expect it. And when I don’t want to keep doing them the favor, I come out looking like a bitch or a diva.

 

When my client offered an additional assignment this week, it was a 48-hour deadline. And since I’m incredibly busy right now and have other work scheduled for those days, I told her I could shift other deadlines, but would need to charge a rush fee.

 

No prizes for guessing what happened next: She ghosted me.

 

I always take responsibility for anything that happens in my business, so here’s the lesson: Don’t violate your own boundaries if you expect other people to respect them.

 

I did just that. I set an entirely unreasonable expectation because I was trying to be nice. And then someone got offended because I didn’t want to keep bending over backwards to make them happy.

 

Anyway, in more fun news, I’ve been working on Wordling Plus endlessly this week. There’s a lot of work going on behind the scenes of the membership to get it looking fresh and feeling more accessible. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I’m getting super focused on building out multiple streams of income and creating financial freedom. But this time, I’m avoiding the many (many, many) mistakes I’ve made in the past and focusing exclusively on one thing at a time.

 

I have a very specific goal I want to hit with Wordling Plus and it’s only when I’ve hit that goal—no matter whether it takes a month or a year—that I’ll move on to the next project (books.)

 

There’s so much gold in Wordling Plus, and individual courses in the membership have sold for more than the price of the annual membership itself! As I add create specific pathways (helping you land your first assignment or get to your first 10k month, etc.), I want to make sure the information is all organized and streamlined so that when you come in, the feeling is one of excitement and wonder rather than overwhelm.

 

To achieve this, I’m closing doors to the membership this weekend. From now on, we’ll only open to new members a few times a year and through specific promotions. This is to ensure that we have the time and space to look after our current members.

 

So if you’ve been on the fence about joining, this is the time. Check it out here.

 

Doors close Saturday night. No idea when we’ll reopen again, but it won’t be soon.

 

I hope I’ll see you there.

 

Enjoy the issue!

Natasha Khullar Relph
Editor, The Wordling

HOW TO STOP SABOTAGING YOUR SUCCESS

I used to call myself “The Sabotage Queen” until my wise husband pointed out that owning and claiming the title was probably in opposition to my intention to stop doing it. Here are some things I’ve done over the years that earned me this title:

• Shut down two content businesses at the height of their success.
• Turned down a free trip to Japan to attend an awards ceremony where I ended up being named “Journalist of the Year” because I was convinced I couldn’t win.
• Deleted a 10,000-people email list because the dozens of nice emails I got every day were “overwhelming.”
• Turned down the offer to ghostwrite a guaranteed New York Times bestseller because the offer sent me into panic and made me doubt my ability.

After years of reflection and mindset work, I now understand that this is not uncommon. I used to have a massive fear of success. Growing up, I was a brilliant student and got excellent results, but every time I outshone people, especially boys, I was punished for it—emotionally, mostly, but sometimes physically as well. My middle-class Indian upbringing taught me that women who succeed more than the men in their lives have to pay, sometimes with their lives.

 

If you believe that there’s a price to pay for success, your psyche will do everything in its power to protect you from it. (By the way, at least half of the women I’ve coached to date have had a fear of success, regardless of where they’re from.) Worse, the stronger your survival instinct—which you may have developed after abuse or said punishment—the harder it is for you to break this pattern.

 

Here’s how to know when you’re in sabotage:

1. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which is why when you experience success, instead of doubling down on what worked, you stop, sometimes entirely.
   
   
2. You brush off strategic gains as lucky breaks. For example, if you landed a high-paying client because of a referral, instead of introducing “referrals” as part of your marketing strategy, you chalk it up to one-time good fortune.
   
   
3. You don’t look back or plan ahead. You don’t look at your month or year and say, hey, what worked? What didn’t? How should I use this to further my goals going forward?
   
   
4. You’re stuck on the ground floor. After years in the business, you’re still trying to find time to write or wondering what it will take to create a sustainable income.
   
   
5. You do too many things at once and almost never finish anything. You want to ensure that if any success does come your way, you’ve suffered for it already.

Recognizing that you sabotage—and the unique ways in which you do—is the first step.

 

The second is understanding why. This one I learned from Marisa Peer, a world-renowned therapist and the creator of RTT. She encourages you to ask how the sabotage is serving you: 

• Is it punishing you? Is there something in your past that you feel guilty about and does holding success at arm’s length punish you for that action
• Is it protecting you? Are you subconsciously moving yourself away from wins in your business so you won’t have to pay a price?
• Is it prioritizing you? Does failing or suffering allow you to create a situation where you receive love and acceptance from the people around you?

The third step to releasing sabotage is to, gently and consciously, let it go. Thank it for how it’s served you, but know that punishing yourself is never required and you can protect and prioritize yourself in far healthier ways.

 

Such as allowing yourself to reach the goals you’ve always dreamed of.

RESOURCES FOR YOUR WRITING CAREER:

Share today’s message with a writer friend or family member who’s prone to self-sabotage, so they can start breaking the cycle.